I've decided to not feel guilty anymore about my life choices. We all change throughout our lives, and we're all just trying to live. For those who choose not to marry or have kids, I've never judged that. I've been thinking about my future and it sucks to have felt afraid to speak about it with some friends, because of the kid-shaming and couple-shaming I hear from some of them. In the past I was never afraid to declare I was single, and I will not be afraid to say how I've changed now, because it's the way life sometimes goes.
For the past few months I've been made to feel guilty or ashamed of my life choices. The last couple of years have included big, shocking changes. While living in Europe, I was involved in a horrific accident and I saw how quickly life can end. It scared me into working towards my dreams, and to feel comfortable with my life choices. I then decided I wasn't happy away from Canada anymore, so I came back to what was comfortable, and it was a fantastic decision. Some people dream of owning a home, some people dream of having children..since I was a teenager, I've dreamt of meeting the right guy and getting married.
Some of you might laugh and think that's silly. That highlights my frustration: I'm trying to meet another life goal (marriage), and now I'm not being accepted for trying to achieve it. Why not? I met a wonderful guy and, naturally, we spend a lot of time together as we try to build a foundation for our relationship. In the past I had friends disappear when they met a guy, but I knew they'd return and they did, while still with their partners. I'm glad I didn't complain to them when they had less time for me.
When I was single I was available to go out at the drop of a hat. Now my time is more planned out. Natural, considering I want to see my boyfriend, I'm more in demand at work, I'm studying for a new career, and I want to see friends. Sometimes, I also just want to rest at home. After three years of trying to acclimate to a frenetic lifestyle of new people, new places and a new language, sometimes staying in a comfortable home for the night feels wonderful.
I have friends who choose to be childless, and I've never judged that. Meanwhile, they think it's o.k. to complain and make faces about those with children. I've been ashamed to mention that I've thought about becoming a mother. It disturbs me that friends have made negative comments about my life choices, when I haven't about theirs. I'm o.k. with them being single, wanting to party until 3 a.m. and choosing not to have kids. What's wrong with me being opposite? Yes, my life has changed in the past year. But that's normal. Doesn't matter if you're getting married, or met a great guy that thinks long-term, or got a new job, or decided to move back home, or someone died, or someone was born... they're all part of life.
I do remember times when friends accepted me and my changes, and gave me encouragement and support along the way. It means a lot to be able to hang out and talk as if nothing has changed, and to not feel judged for how I've crafted my daily life. I have really big goals in mind for the rest of my life and I will work to achieve them, and keep myself and my family happy.
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